


face the wind

by thisissirius



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Episode Related, Episode: s03e18 What's Next?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24185635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: “Buck,” Bobby says.Buck ignores him, knows he’s shaking from something other than adrenaline. “Eddie’s in there,” he says, waving a hand towards the train. “Sam’s got two daughters, but Eddie’s got a son, our son,” the words twist on the way out, getting choked, and Buck can’t think about it, can’t— “I don’t wanna have to tell him—”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), past Evan "Buck" Buckley/Abby Clark - Relationship
Comments: 24
Kudos: 671





	face the wind

**Author's Note:**

> for an anon on tumblr who wanted the following prompt;
> 
> _Siri I have a plot for you if you want to take it. In the episode Buck was on the outside of the train and Eddie was inside while Bobby was outside (Sorry haha this is complicated but i'm trying to explain) Would you be able to write a story where while Buck is saving Rumer Wllis and they get Sam out Eddie is still in the train. Buck manages to get out of the way but the train crushes Eddie._
> 
> _Sorry second part. So now Eddie’s trapped in the train and Sam’s safe and Abby comes over. Buck gets mad at her because Eddie’s in the train. I like Abby so please don’t make her evil I just want Buck to get mad at this. If you cant thats okay too. I love your stories_
> 
> thanks to eli for basically talking me through this. AGAIN.
> 
> as i said on tumblr, i LOVE abby and do not think she deserves vitriol for anything except the ghosting.

Buck makes the mistake of thinking everything’s going to be okay. 

The rescue is almost complete; they’ve managed to get the young woman out through the panel Buck cut out of the siding, and she’s gonna be fine according to Eddie, who Buck trusts with that diagnosis. He’s less certain how they’re gonna get Sam out, but Eddie assures him they’ll both fit through the panel as well. They’ll have to be careful considering Sam’s crushed chest; neither of them want to carry a basket down the length of the car and they can’t risk hurting Sam further. It’s still risky, especially as Buck’s not convinced they’re as secure as they need to be, but the winch is working well enough and they’ve come this far. They’ll get it done — and Buck thinks _yes_.

As he does, the train starts to rumble at the base of the car—and there’s still a steel beam between Buck and Eddie. Eddie looks at him with wide eyes and Buck snaps, “go!” before rappelling down as fast as the harness allows. He holds his breath the entire way down, fear settling low in his belly as the car starts to move, and he hits the ground the same time Sam does. The paramedics are startled, eyes on the falling car, and Buck shoves at them. “Go, go!”

The words are barely out of his mouth before the car picks up speed, toppling away from them. Buck’s on the wrong side of the basket, _away_ from Eddie, and he can’t get around the paramedics, can’t get free from the mess of responders around the train car. Eddie’s still in the car and he needs Buck, but Buck’s being propelled away from the scene. 

“No, wait,” he cries, caught up in his harness. He’s expecting to be wrenched from his feet; instead, the winch snaps, hitting the ground with a vicious crack. Buck's heart goes with it as he watches the train car come to a sliding stop halfway down the hill, still tilted and unsecure. Buck needs to get untangled and away from Sam so that he can help Eddie. His hands are shaking as he tries to get out of the harness, and he can’t bear to look at the train, at the wreckage, but he needs to get there and— 

“Buck.”

Buck tenses, head snapping back so fast he feels something wrench. Ignoring the dull throb of pain, he stares. 

Abby’s just letting go of Sam’s hand as the paramedics remove him from the scene, but she remains, her hands falling by her sides when she looks at him. Her expression is hopeful, if a little awkward. “I wanted to thank you.”

Feeling what little control Buck’s got on his emotions snap, he takes an aborted step forward. Aborted, because Bobby grips his upper arm tightly—Buck doesn’t know when he appeared. Buck can’t hear anything through the rush of blood in his ears, but he laughs; it sounds a little cruel. “Thank me for _what_? Promising yolu something I shouldn’t because of some strupid left over feelings? I’ve lost myself twice because you couldn’t just tell me what you were feeling, Abby—and because you couldn’t _not_ rush into a vertical train car!”

“Buck,” Bobby says.

Buck ignores him, knows he’s shaking from something other than adrenaline. “Eddie’s in there,” he says, waving a hand towards the train. “Sam’s got two daughters, but Eddie’s got a son, our son,” the words twist on the way out, getting choked, and Buck can’t think about it, can’t— “I don’t wanna have to tell him—”

“Buck,” Bobby interrupts, and while Buck can’t look away from Abby, from her stunned expression, he closes his mouth. Bobby continues, “Abby, I need you to leave.”

“I,” Abby starts.

“ _Now_ ,” Bobby snaps, and there’s a hard edge to his tone that Buck doesn’t know what to make of. Ignoring Abby, Bobby tightens his grip on Buck’s arm, forcing him to look Bobby in the eye. “You need to get your head together, Buck. Eddie needs you. They’ve got eyes on him, and I’m not gonna lie, it’s not an easy fix.”

Buck immediately comes back to the moment. He doesn’t wait to see if Abby listens to Bobby or not, because he’s scrambling back towards the train car. He’s wasted time yelling when he needs to be focused on Eddie. His heart almost stops when he sees the wreckage; the train car is completely buckled on one side, the end warped and twisted, and Buck can see only a window that might give enough for him to jam his head in. There’s still no security in the way it’s leaning, and Buck doesn’t want to think about another topside rescue. 

“We have ears on your guy.” Rodriguez from the 153 is already on scene. “He’s jammed between the beam and a couple of seats; didn’t get far before it went. Slightly disoriented with possible concussion. Can’t get anything else out of him.”

“Fuck,” Buck mutters. He doesn’t wait to hear anything else. Eddie doesn’t know Rodriguez and Buck knows when he’s out of it, the last thing he wants is someone unfamiliar. Approaching the window, Buck breaks it gently, shielding himself as he sticks his head through. “Eddie?”

“M’stuck,” Eddie slurs. He sounds far away.

Blowing out a breath, Buck manoeuvres so he can fit a hand through. “Eddie? I’m just gonna shine my flashlight, so I need you to close your eyes for me, okay?”

Eddie makes a noise that Buck takes for assent and flicks on his handheld. He sees the beam, Eddie flinching away from the light, which concerns Buck. He bites back on saying anything and follows the line of the beam. Ignoring the cold trickle of fear down his spine, he sees the way Eddie’s leg is twisted under steel, bloody already, and calls back up. 

“I see you, buddy, but I gotta talk to Bobby a second.”

“Go,” Eddie says.

“To talk to Bobby,” Buck says firmly. “I’ll be back.”

Eddie says something else, but Buck can’t make it out. He’s not sure he wants to hear it. Bobbys at his elbow when he pulls back, and Buck makes a face. “Trapped,” he affirms. “Steel beam on his leg, slurring his words, thirty feet up.”

Bobby goes pale. “Shit.”

Buck focuses on Eddie, the things he’s seen, and the rescues they’ve already performed. “I don’t like it,” he starts, “but we gotta cut through that beam.”

“He’ll fall,” Rodriguez cuts in.

“I’ll be right there,” Buck says firmly, giving Bobby a look. “We’re not getting him out any other way, Cap. That’s thirty feet and he’s stuck in there. We can cut through the top, but it’s the same problem. We don’t have any winch security again, and I don’t know if the car will withstand a lot of weight up top.”

Bobby stares at the train car, working things through, and Buck waits him out. They don’t have time, he knows it, but he’s pushed Bobby once and he doesn’t want to do it again. 

Rodriguez is watching the train too, and he sighs. “I don’t like it, Nash, but the kid’s right. The only way I see this going well is if we cut from beneath. We need to move fast before we lose your guy for good.”

“Not an option,” Buck says, and Bobby finally looks him in the eye. “Bobby, I promise. I’m not being foolish about this, not with Eddie—”

“I know.” The faith in the words stuns Buck for a minute, before Bobby rests a hand on his arm. “Alright, we’ll do it your way, but I need two more firefighters under you—”

There’s a commotion behind them, and Hen and Chim are running up, looking out of breath but panicked. “Cap?”

“Shit,” Chim says. “Eddie’s in there?”

Buck doesn’t have time to explain. “Hen and Chim can come in, Cap. they’ll be there to make sure Eddie’s not injured beyond—”

Bobby nods. “Hen, Chim, Eddie’s trapped thirty feet up. Buck’s gonna cut into the beam and bring him down.”

Hen and Chim share a glance and Buck expects them to disagree or argue. Instead, they nod, and Buck blinks back blurred vision, swallows thickly. Bobby nods towards the car. 

“Go,” he says.

“We’ve got you covered on the outside,” Rodriguez promises.

Buck doesn’t wait around to hear anything else. He starts off for the window and grabs the cutters. “We have to make this bigger,” he says, getting much needed help from Chim. “Eddie’s slurring, blood on his leg, and he flinched from light.”

“Doesn’t necessarily mean anything’s wrong,” Chim is saying as Buck cuts through the metal siding. “It’s pretty dark in there, so we’ll make an assessment once he’s adjusted. Worried about the slurring. Did he hit his head?”

Buck grunts as the metal peels back from the car and drops to the ground. It’s wide enough for him to climb through and he does so. “No harness,” he says when Hen opens her mouth. “Gotta have the basket ready, Eddie’s gonna need it with that leg.” Once he’s cleared the hole, and confident Hen and Chim are following, Buck clambers back inside. “Eddie?”

There’s nothing. Then, “Buck. M’here.”

“Good,” Buck says, levering himself up between the seats. “Flashlight’s going on again, alright?”

“Kay,” Eddie says, and Buck doesn’t like how faint his voice is. 

The light goes on and when Buck shines the beam across Eddie’s upper torso, Eddie flinches again. 

“Bright.”

“I know, buddy,” Buck says, managing to get a foothold on the seat beneath Eddie. Eddie’s in a similar position to Sam’s, except with a leg jammed between a beam, and he swallows down bile at the state of Eddie’s leg. He doesn’t react this way at scenes, and knows it’s only because it’s _Eddie_. He’s not squeamish, it’s just Eddie. “Chim?”

“On it,” Chim says, directly below Buck. “This is gonna hurt, Eddie.”

“I know,” Eddie says, and he sounds a little more alert. “Do it.”

Buck wants to close his eyes against the pained moans Eddie lets out while Chim checks he’s got a pulse. There’s so much deja vu here, a cruel twist of irony that Buck hates, but he manages to get a grip on the beam. 

“Oh, don’t do that,” Eddie groans, whimpering, and Buck rocks back on his feet.

“I have to cut it,” Buck says. “I know it’s gonna be weird, because you’ll have to fall, but I promise I’ll catch you, okay? I’ll be right here, Eddie, and I’ve—”

“—got me, I know,” Eddie says, and his eyes are a little more clear when he looks at Buck. He quirks his lips up into a smile and then winces as Chim releases his leg. “M’safe.”

Buck nods, because he doesn’t trust himself to speak. “Okay, I’m just gonna go grab the jaws and we’ll have you out of here.”

Eddie nods again, mouth opening but nothing comes out, and Buck reaches over, rests a hand on Eddie’s hair. Eddie pushes into the touch a little. “You’ve got me.”

“I do,” Buck promises, and pulls back, dropping down a seat or three. Chim looks serious. “He okay?”

Chim nods, all business, and looks between Buck and Hen. “He’s got a pulse, so I’m not worried about that. Blood loss might be an issue. Were his pupils tracking?”

“Eyes seemed clear,” Buck says, “but he’s still wincing at light. Concussion is almost certain.”

“Crush injuries?” Hen asks. 

“Breathing rattled,” Buck says. 

Hen nods and she and Chim share a thoughtful look. “Nothing out of the ordinary,” Hen says eventually. “We free him, we’ll be able to make a better assessment.”

Buck looks up at the beam. “Spinal injury?”

“Won’t know until he’s out,” Hen says. “No other way to do this.”

It’s not the best outcome, but Buck swallows around the lump in his throat. “I’ll take life-altering injury over death and I hope he will too.”

“I can hear you,” Eddie says, voice carrying well through the train. “M’not deaf.”

Buck lets out a shaky laugh, and climbs back up. 

“Just do it,” Eddie says, wincing. “Can’t stay here forever.”

With that prompting, Buck, Hen, and Chim get to work. Buck cuts through the beam, Chim keeping an eye on Eddie from below, and Hen getting ready with the basket. Eddie makes soft, pained noises throughout the process and Buck does his best to block them out; he doesn’t want to lose concentration and cut through something he shouldn’t. Eventually, he feels something give beneath the jaws and there’s a creak. 

“Shit,” Buck says, and hands off the jaws to Chim. “Okay, Eddie, one more shove okay?”

Eddie grunts again, eyes lifting slowly to Buck’s face. With a swift kick, the beam cracks, a high whine as it splits. Eddie’s let out a pained noise, sliding down between the two parts of the beam. Buck winces, shoves at the steel beam with his foot. 

When Buck looks down, he can see both Hen and Chim have moved to the sides of the car, away from the path of the beam. Buck puts his weight into the final kick; at the same time it goes tumbling down the train, Eddie starts to fall. He slams into Buck with a cry, and Buck wraps his arms around Eddie, almost losing his balance in the process. He’s got a leg on each seat, arms full of Eddie, and a back that’s gonna protest later. 

“I’ve got you!” Buck adjusts his stance, trying to stay level. Eddie shifts, another pained grunt, and then he’s looking at Buck. His pupils are still tracking, and his expression is clear. Buck’s relief turns to concern when Eddie closes his eyes.

“Think I’m gonna throw up,” Eddie says, burying his face in Buck’s neck. 

Buck winces. “If you have to, do it. I’ll get you out of here.” As he talks, he starts to work his way down the seats, Eddie clinging to him. Eddie’s heavy, his arms weak, and Buck knows he’s trying to help by keeping his weight even, but it’s awkward at best. There’s still half a beam above them, but it seems wedged well enough; still, Buck’s not about to take unnecessary chances. 

Chim’s watching their descent, clambering over one of the seats and gets a grip on Eddie. Eddie says, “no,” and tightens his grip on Buck. Chim holds up his hands, a rope in his fingers. “I promise I’m just keeping you attached to Buck. We can’t get the basket up here, Eddie, you need to be secure.”

“Kay,” Eddie says, and Buck waits for Chim to support them both. With a tug on the rope, Chim nods, and the three of them make their way down. Chim’s going slow enough to keep Buck steady, but before Buck knows it, they’re taking the last step down, Hen and the basket ready and waiting. 

Buck shifts his grip on Eddie. “Just gonna get you on the basket, okay?”

“Uh-huh,” Eddie manages, going limp in Buck’s arms as they settle him on the stretcher. Hen and Chim immediately set to work stabilising him as best as possible. Eddie’s eyes are on Buck, though, his fingers twitching. Buck reaches out, squeezes them gently. “Thanks.”

“Idiota,” Buck says, and he doesn’t know much Spanish, but it makes Eddie’s lips curve up. He looks tired, eyes closing in pain as they lift him up, and Buck’s heart lurches. “Let’s get out of this damned thing.”

“You don’t have to tell us twice,” Chim says, and the three of them get Eddie out of the gap in the siding with as much care as possible. The train is still precarious and Buck doesn’t trust it to hold with all the moving they’ve done inside. 

Rodriguez is true to his word; he’s got an ambulance waiting, and Bobby’s there to help them load up Eddie. Now that they’re out in the open, lights flooding the area, Buck gets a better look at Eddie. His leg’s a mess, and there’s blood matting his hair that Buck doesn’t like. Eddie’s got his eyes closed, still mumbling about wanting to throw up, but he’s being put in the ambulance so Buck trusts he’s in the best hands. 

Bobby’s at his elbow, hand on his back. “You doing okay?”

“No,” Buck says honestly. “I need,” he starts, swallows. “I need to get to the hospital.”

“Come on. You can change at the station and then check up on Eddie, alright?”

Buck’s itching to be where Eddie is, but he’s exhausted, dirty, and needs to check in with Abuela and Chris before going to the hospital. Not that he thinks Eddie’ll wanna see Chris when he’s half-conscious in the hospital, but Buck needs to reassure himself that Chris is okay, that _they’re_ going to be okay. “Eddie’s—home first,” he amends. 

Eddie wakes up slowly. His leg aches, his head is thumping, and he wants to go right back to sleep again. There's someone in the room with him; he can feel their weight against the bed, and ever since Afghanistan, his awareness of a room has been sharper. "Hey," he says, shifting in the bed. "I knew you had me. Never let me down."

Opening his eyes, he's startled when it's not Buck sitting next to him, but Abby. Immediately, his heart hammers in his chest and anger unfurls, harsh and sudden in his chest. His lip curls up into a sneer, eyes narrowed. 

"Never let you down either." Abby's lips pursed together, but Eddie's not done. "Can't say the same about you."

"You don't know me." Abby's softer spoken than he’s expecting, but it doesn't make his temper flare any less. "I wanted to say thank you."

Eddie doesn't have the patience for this. He's never met Abby before, but he doesn't like her. He thinks he's entitled not to like her; when someone breaks your best friend's heart and ghosts him for the better part of a year, there’s no requirement to be civil.

"Don't bother," he says, looking up at the ceiling, then back at her. "I'm not the one you should say thanks to." Abby at least looks contrite. "He wouldn't leave. Wouldn't let us until we'd saved both Sam and—"

"I know," Abby says quickly. "Sam told me and I appreciate what you did. I know you didn't have to."

"Buck did," Eddie snaps. "Because for some stupid reason, he still wants you to be happy. Which, good for him because he's a better person than either of us, but I don't have to want that for you."

"i'm sorry," Abby says. She sounds sincere and Eddie wants to temper his tone, but he's in pain and she came to him. 

"How did you even get in here?"

"I saw Captain Nash leave," she says. She puts her hands in her lap and looks out of the door for a moment, then back at Eddie. "I just wanted to thank you for what you did for Sam."

Eddie nods, takes a moment before he replies. His anger is receding and he's just tired, wants to get the heck out of the hospital, wants _Buck_. "I want to thank you as well." Abby looks surprised and Eddie huffs a laugh. "You couldn't see what was right in front of your face. It means I get him instead, my son gets him, and we're damned lucky to have him. There's no way we're ever giving him up."

Finally, Abby's expression shifts to anger. "I'm entitled to want something better for myself."

"Yeah, you are," Eddie allows. "But you don't have the right to drag this on for Buck for so long. He's a good person, trusts implicitly, and I hate that you damaged some of that faith he has in people."

"I'm glad he's happy," Abby says, and Eddie hopes she's hearing him. "I want to speak to him."

"He's happy now," Eddie says, choosing to focus on that first. "He wasn't then and he still isn't, not about you. I hope I—and my son—have done some good."

Abby nods. "He called your son _our_ son."

Eddie's breath hitches and he wants Abby gone, wants privacy so he can work through that. "You should talk to him. He needs that, I think, needs to hear whatever you've told yourself to justify it, but if you hurt him again." He almost leaves the threat hanging. "I might be in a hospital bed right now, but I won't let you near him again if you do."

There's a drawn silence where neither of them says something. Eddie looks at the clock, knows if Buck disappeared it’s because of errands. It’s getting closer to the end of visiting hours, so Buck’s gotta be returning soon and he doesn't want Abby here when that happens.

"I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear," he says, because his Abuela would kill him if he wasn't at least a little polite. "Please go. I'm glad Sam is okay, I am, but Buck's coming soon and I don't want this," he says, gesturing between them, "to get in the way of us going home. Please."

"Bit late for that," Buck says, and when Eddie looks up, he's standing in the doorway. Eddie's stomach swoops. 

"How long have you been there?"

"Long enough," Buck snaps, and his expression is angry. 

Eddie can feel his own anger fade beneath the shame pooling in his belly. Taking a deep breath, he tries to sit up, grunting when his head pounds, his leg spasms and he gasps, "Buck—”

"Stop it," Buck says, and between one of Eddie's breaths and the next, he's on the other side of Eddie's bed, a hand in Eddie’s hair. "Stop moving."

"You're not mad?" Eddie says, slurring his words a little. He really needs to stop moving.

Buck blows out a breath and drops a kiss to Eddie's forehead. "Not at you. Idiota," he adds, and Eddie gives him a weak smile.

Abby stands. Her clothes are still dirty and she looks like she could do with a good sleep, but Eddie's watching her face, the look she gives Buck's hands, then his face. "Can I speak to you?"

"Later," Buck says firmly.

"I don't know how long—” 

"Abby," Buck says, straightening up, and he still has a hand on Eddie's hair, scratches his fingers, but Eddie doesn't know if it's intentional. It feels good anyway. "I want to talk to you. I want to clear the air between us, but I'm still mad. About you, and the fact that you indirectly put Eddie in danger."

Another pause. "I'm sorry I made you promise me."

"You didn't," Buck says, squeezing Eddie's hand. "I made that promise myself because yeah, I still care about you. I want you to be happy, and I don't want to be angry with you, but I am. I could have lost Eddie for the sake of your fiance and I can't—I can't look at you right now and not think about that, so I need you to go."

"Buck—"

Buck lets out a slow breath. "Abby. Think about Sam; if I'd come out and told you I'd saved Eddie and left Sam to die, how would you be feeling?"

It must land; Eddie can see the moment she realizes, and it's probably about the same time Eddie does. They've been heading for this thing for a long time. Slow burn, gradual leaning towards each other, whatever anyone wants to call it, Eddie's got enough love for Buck burning in his body to power LA for a lifetime. 

"I'll call you. We can arrange something."

Eddie turns his face into Buck's wrist, closes his eyes so he doesn't have to see Abby leave, or the look on Buck's face when she does. He doesn't open them until Buck moves his hand, tilts Eddie's head up. 

"Look at me?" 

Eddie does, wincing at the light. Now that his anger's gone, now there's nothing left but Buck and the pain, Eddie feels the throb in his head turn into a steady drumming, the ache in his leg becomes a burn, and the warmth of Buck's hands is a balm against the hurts. "M'okay."

Buck laughs, and there's a little bit of lightness there. "Liar. You have a concussion and a laceration as deep as my love for you."

Eddie laughs, groaning when it causes his headache to flare, but he wraps his fingers around Buck's. "Don't make me laugh, asshole."

Buck's flushing, a grin on his stupid face, and Eddie loves him so much.

"I wanna go home," Eddie says, closing his eyes.

Buck hums, resumes stroking his fingers through Eddie's hair. "Doctor's are discharging you soon. We gotta wait for them, Eds, then I promise we can go."

"Chris?" 

"Gave me a card for you," Buck says, his voice low. He shuffles around some, dragging a chair over to the bed. "You can read it when the room stops spinning."

"I'm fine."

"Shut up," Buck says. Eddie feels a press of lips to his temple. "We'll get some painkillers for your concussion," Buck says gently, the motions of his hand in Eddie's hair soothing. Everything about Buck is soothing. "You'll go home, spend some time recovering, probably worrying about Chris—”

"M'not worried," Eddie objects, and opens an eye. "You are."

Buck glares at him. "Of course I am! We haven't even vetted this place Eddie. What if chris hates it and wants to come home? What if we wanna talk to him and—” 

Eddie snorts gently, feels the tug of sleep pull at his consciousness. Chris is gonna be okay and so is he; Buck has them both.


End file.
